Is lockdown causing you to have a crisis of confidence?
The uncertainty we are all facing can cause emotions to run high, make people feel vulnerable, and negatively impact our self-confidence. We are human beings after all! There have been many times during Covid when I have experienced dips in my confidence and questioned myself several times a day; as are my clients, peers and friends. Not getting a response to an email, a sharp reply from a work colleague, or lack of questions after a zoom presentation can illicit feelings of unease, which can easily spiral to thinking the worst. Are you catastrophising? Personalising everything being your fault? Jumping to conclusions? Experiencing polarised thinking - it is all or nothing? These are all cognitive distortions that you can experience at any time.
So what’s going on?
When you are stressed you can have a tendency to be more negative, and the more stressed you get, the more negative you can become.
What you think affects what you feel and what you feel affects how you act. When you deliver a zoom presentation, how often do you get these thoughts? “No one asked me questions after my zoom presentation”, “I'm not very good at presenting”, “I'm not going to present again.” The answer is probably “quite often!” Use this example to look at the ABC model below:
A - Activating Event (trigger) - Zoom presentation with no questions asked afterwards
B - Beliefs - I am not good at presenting
C - Consequences (how you feel and behave when you have these beliefs) - Worthless; not wanting to present again.
The idea behind this model is that these triggers do not cause our emotions or for us to act in a certain way, but our beliefs do. If you experience irrational beliefs this can in turn lead us to feeling a negative emotion and act in a detrimental way. However, if you experience rational beliefs, this can help you to manage your emotions productively and act in a more favourably way.
So what can you do about it?
You need to focus on how you are thinking to harness a productive way of thinking. You can challenge yourself to see things as they actually are free from negative distortions that are causing you to catastrophise, personalise problems, and jump to conclusions.
Using the ABCDE model and posing coaching questions to yourself, you can help shape more positive thinking patterns. Using the zoom presentation example above, have a look at the value of adding ‘D’ and ‘E’ below to your thought process:
A - Activating Event (trigger) - Zoom presentation with no questions asked afterwards
B - Beliefs - I am not good at presenting
C - Consequences (how you feel and behave when you have these beliefs) - Worthless; not wanting to present again
D - Dispute - Question your thoughts. Thoughts are simply thoughts and not necessarily reality
E - new Effect - Reject the irrational thought. Replace with a positive/realistic thought.
Here are some useful questions you can ask yourself when you are feeling unconfident after a triggering event, to help you manage your emotions and act as constructively as possible:
What is the evidence for my beliefs?
What are other possible explanations for what happened?
What is the impact of my belief?
How did I develop these thinking patterns?
Are they useful thoughts?
By challenging your thoughts you are arming yourself with choices in how you interpret and consequently react to situations.
If you are interested in understanding more about how coaching can help you remove psychological and emotional barriers, please do get in touch for a free discovery call: nicola@nicolabutcherpsychology.co.uk.
References:
Albert Ellis; cognitive behavioural therapy