Perfectly Imperfect
I have been interested in perfectionism for a long time, partly because I studied it in depth during my Masters dissertation, but also because I am one!!
Back in 2006, I researched perfectionism and its relationship with work pressure and employees’ psychological detachment from work, well-being, and sleep quality. During my research, I learnt that those who have high personal performance standards and tendencies to be extremely self-critical (“maladaptive perfectionists"), ruminate and worry over mistakes; they are more susceptible to distress and fatigue at work and feel less satisfaction.
Considering I completed my dissertation over 15 years ago, it has only been the last few years in which I have realised how much of a perfectionist I am and how much I ‘get in my own way’. So many times, people have said to me, “you are your own worst enemy” and they are completely right! I have spent so much time worrying and being overly preoccupied with mistakes (e.g. excessively checking and delaying sending out work that wasn’t 100% perfect) that it has led to sleepless nights, anxiety, low self-confidence and an inability to switch off from work even during holidays when my mobile is on 24/7. I can’t count how many times I have felt a pang of dread worrying I was going to get into trouble for making even the smallest of errors.
With Covid adding so much work pressure and stress into people’s lives, how are self-critical employees coping?
It is such an apt topic for Covid times! Most people have been struggling in the past year in some way. If not managed appropriately, my research suggests that employees who have higher levels of maladaptive (or self-critical) perfectionism, combined with high levels of work pressure, could potentially (a) detach from work less and (b) have lower levels of well-being and poorer sleep quality. Home schooling, work pressure and lack of physical and mental parameters between work and home life are all contributors.
So what does this actually mean?
Timothy Gallwey, author of ‘The Inner Game of Tennis’ (Performance = potential – interference) identified that there is a game played inside a performer’s head, in which one’s positive mindset is continually challenged by his/her inner critic. Negative thoughts act as an internal interference that can potentially affect performance. Some of these interferences can be emotions such as fear, guilt and worry, which can distract you from focusing on what is really important at work, whilst simultaneously exhausting you. We often stand in our own way of maximising our own definition of success with self-limiting beliefs, such as perfectionism, people-pleasing and ‘imposter’ thoughts.
Many of my coaching clients who have self-limiting beliefs (e.g. they may be overly self-critical, people pleasers or feel like imposters), feel like they are struggling more now at work than ever for the aforementioned reasons. More and more people are saying they feel like an imposter. Imposter Syndrome affects anyone and everyone - both men and women and across all roles: leaders, managers and employees. It's a disconnect between how you see yourself and your perceived successes.
Most of us spend a lot of time in our own head, but some experience more negative and self-limiting beliefs than others, which in turn affects our performance at work:
Our thoughts help define the moods we experience;
Our thoughts influence how we behave and what we choose to do or not to do;
Our thoughts and beliefs affect our physical responses.
When training to be a coach, I coached others whilst also being coached myself, it became apparent to me that I have perfectionist, people-pleasing and imposter thoughts, which really get in the way of me performing at my best. This was when the penny dropped for me and forced me to see things really clearly. I NEED TO GET MY THOUGHTS WORKING FOR ME INSTEAD OF AGAINST ME. It has been challenging at times because being a perfectionist is part of my brand and strengths; the adaptive part of my perfectionism enables me to be thorough, detailed and analytical and make sure work is rigorous. I find challenging my negative thoughts (is this true?), identifying my triggers and getting perspective helps me to use the positive aspects of my imposter syndrome. If you want to make changes in to your career or feel better about yourself, then you have to understand your own thinking.
How can coaching help with perfectionist, people-pleasing and imposter thoughts at work?
Coaching helps individuals build awareness of the negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs that are holding them back from achieving at work. Having a thought-provoking and confidential conversation with a coach can help you to find ways in which you can effectively manage these thoughts and beliefs at work to build a more positive mindset and feel more energised in reaching your goals. Here are some of the questions I ask my coaching clients with Imposter Syndrome, which can be helpful questions to challenge ourselves:
Can you identify what the imposter thoughts are and when they emerge?
Do the imposter thoughts help or hinder you?
What’s holding you back from letting go of your current beliefs?
If you are interested in understanding more about how coaching can help you manage self-limiting thoughts at work, please do get in touch: nicola@nicolabutcherpsychology.co.uk.
On the 26th May at 10am, I am hosting a free webinar on Imposter Syndrome. Sign up here to attend: www.nicolabutcherpsychology.co.uk.